


The Christmas Mirroricle

by myrthrilmercury



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Crack, Christmas Party, Christmas Presents, Crack, Inanimate Objects, M/M, Mirrors, Secret Santa, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 11:41:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3690951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrthrilmercury/pseuds/myrthrilmercury
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clayton Forrester does not care for Secret Santa exchanges.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Christmas Mirroricle

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2007 MST3K Slash Secret Santa Exchange, with the prompt of Forrester/Frank.

Frank placed a full-length body mirror in Clayton Forrester’s bedroom. “This is the only place it will fit.”

”That’s fine. Just leave it there.” Clayton walked into his bedroom and began unlacing his shoes.

Frank stared at the mirror. “Is that what you ended up winning at the Christmas party?”

”Yeah, we all had to draw names out of a hat, remember? I guess Barry up in Deep 8 drew me. I have no idea why he’d give me a mirror, though.”

“Maybe it’s a special mirror,” Frank suggested.

“Whatever,” Clayton said. “I’m just glad it’s over. I hate those mad scientist Christmas parties.” He pulled off his shoes and sat down on the bed.

“But you seemed to like the device that electrocutes carolers.”

Clayton tilted back and lay down on the bed. “But that one’s actually useful. I don’t see what’s so great about the other gifts everyone got.”

Frank nodded. “Yeah, the hot and cold running eggnog faucet was kinda stupid.”

“Did you remember to set the trap for Santa?”

Frank beamed. “Yep. The cookies and milk are equipped with sensors, so once the cookies and milk are touched, that’ll activate the flamethrowers built into the ceiling.”

“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Clayton sat up and turned the sheets down on his bed.

“Night, Steve.” Frank closed the door behind him as he left.

Clayton pushed himself off the bed and walked over to his new mirror. The mirror was surrounded by a black frame. The red bow from the Christmas party was still attached to the top left corner. He stared at his reflection for a few seconds before leaning in close, checking for any imperfections on his face.

“Stop that.”

Clayton jumped back. The voice was female, so it couldn’t be Frank.

“And please don’t take your clothes off. The guy in Deep 8 always did, and he’s fat and ugly. I don’t wanna see what you look like.”

Clayton looked around the room. “How much did I have to drink tonight?”

“I’m for real. I’m right here.”

“What—“ Clayton looked back at the mirror in front of him. “You can talk?”

“DING DING DING DING!! Give the man a prize, Johnny!” the mirror yelled. “He’s figured it out! That’s right, I’m a talking mirror! More specifically, my spirit’s trapped inside this mirror.”

Clayton poked around the immediate area for any weapons. “Well then, I’ll get you out.”

”Sorry, that won’t work. I’m doomed to stay in this mirror forever, even if it’s broken.”

“How did you even get stuck in the mirror, anyway?” Clayton asked.

“Back in ’88, I was at a family Christmas party and I choked to death on one of those miniature candy canes. Nobody even noticed I was choking until I fell face first through the mirror in the living room. Then they thought the broken glass shards were snowflakes and started singing Christmas carols around my bloody corpse. They were all too hopped up on eggnog to realize I needed medical attention.”

“Um…” Clayton began in disbelief. “That’s a really stupid way to die.”

”Yeah, tell me about it. Guess I should have gone for the mints instead.”

“Okay, so you’re a vengeful spirit stuck inside the mirror. What powers do you have?”

”I sit here watching everyone and I make snide comments.”

“What?!” Clayton shook his head. “You’re the lamest possessed mirror ever.”

”I know. Don’t remind me.”

“Well, I’m going to bed. Are you going to watch me sleep?”

“Yeah, and I hope you don’t snore. Try not to talk in your sleep, either. I get confused and think people are trying to talk to me.”

Clayton unbuttoned his labcoat and threw it into the hamper. “In the middle of the night?”

”How am I supposed to know? I can’t see in the dark! I don’t know who’s up and who isn’t.”

“Okay then. Will you at least tell me your name?”

“My name?” the mirror asked in surprise. “Wow, no one’s ever asked me that before. Why do you want to know?”

“Because I’m not about to sit here talking to an inanimate object. I need a person to speak to.”

“I’m Tabitha.”

“Tabitha? You don’t seem like a Tabitha to me.” Clayton began stripping down to his boxers.

“Yeah, I don’t feel like a Tabitha either. I always—OH FOR GOD’S SAKES, STOP THAT!”

“What?” Clayton asked. “Oh. Right.” He ran into the bathroom and shut the door.

“Thank you,” Tabitha said in a slightly terse voice. “You know what was really scary? The other guy in Deep 8 always used to pose naked in front of me. It freaked me the hell out.”

“Well, how did he look?”

”Ugh. I bet when he was born, his mother was fined for illegal dumping.”

“Wow.” Clayton left the bathroom and climbed into bed. “Well, what about me? Or Frank?”

“You don’t look all that bad. I’m just tired of naked people. All the bouncing and the jiggling…”

Clayton turned out the light on the nightstand. “Well, just let me know if I offend you.”

“Hey, you’re okay in my book. You’re nice to me. Which makes me think you may want something.”

Clayton smirked. “Well, I was thinking of trying to get you out of there.”

“You’re welcome to try. There are so many things I want to do, but I can’t, because I’m stuck in this damn mirror.”

“Like what?”

“I’ve always wanted to work for the IRS. I wanna audit some bastards.”

The bedroom door creaked open. “Steve?”

Clayton turned towards the voice. “What, Frank?”

“I had a nightmare. Can I sleep with you?”

Clayton thought for a moment. As long as the lights were out, Tabitha wouldn’t be able to see anything. “Sure, why not?”

“Hang on, I need to get my pillow.” Frank rushed off, leaving the door open a crack.

“Got more than a working relationship there?” Tabitha asked in a mischievous tone.

“What, are you gonna sit there and watch?”

“Only if you leave the lights on. Do you ever do it with the lights on? I could really use the show.”

“Wha—“ Clayton started, taken aback. “Are you always a pervert?”

”Look, I’m stuck inside a damn mirror. How else do you expect me to get my ya-yas?”

“I get cable porn. Will that work?”

Tabitha perked up. “Yeah, definitely! Even scrambled porn is good. I can make out parts through all the squiggly lines. And I like watching regular TV, too. Just point the screen towards me. I have my favorite shows, too. Wanna hear them?”

”Tell me tomorrow. I hear Frank coming.”

“And maybe I’ll get to hear him come a couple of times, too.”

Clayton shook his head. Tabitha was weird, but she was an okay companion. If he could get her out of the mirror, maybe she could prove useful to him. With her auditing skills and his scientific genius, they could run the world.

Frank came into the bedroom, pillow in tow. He shut the door before throwing the pillow on the bed.

“Can you try not to fidget this time?” Clayton asked Frank.

“No problem.” Frank climbed into bed and curled up against Clayton. “Ooh, you’re nice and warm.”

Clayton stared into the darkness, wondering what Tabitha thought of the spectacle. He soon stopped caring and snuggled Frank. Frank had already fallen asleep. Clayton looked at Frank, then at the darkness hiding Tabitha one last time before he fell asleep.

THE END


End file.
